Step-Grandparenting Advice

 

 

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"10 Steps for Grandparents-in-Step"

By Carolyn Berger, Stepfamily Foundation; included by permission to Divorce Peers.

Step 1 —
  Recognize the Dynamics of Step:
 
The stepfamily has its own special state of dynamics and behaviors. Once learned, the behaviors can become predictable and positive. DO NOT try to overlay the expectations and dynamics of the intact and natural family onto the stepfamily. To learn more about step, literature is available.
 
Step 2 —
  Give yourself time to grieve over the loss of the biological family:
 
A stepfamily comes about upon a death or divorce in a nuclear family. Grandparents need to mourn the loss of that relationship before they can become a part of the stepfamily. Anger, resentment and fears are normal.
 
Step 3 —
  Value yourself as a grandparent:
 
Grandparents and stepparents are wonderful resource people. You have a lot to offer, such as unconditional love, family history and your life experience. Share!
 
Step 4 —
  Reserve judgments:
 
Negative judgments with a child can serve to increase the child's sense of confusion, conflict of loyalties and impact his self-esteem.
 
Step 5 —
  There are no ex-grandparents, only ex-spouses:
 
If you feel that you are not being treated fairly as a grandparent, find a way to establish your rights through a family conference, a grand parenting organization or legal means, if necessary.
 
Step 6 —
  Step-grand parenting:
 
Go slow and see where your grand parenting skills are needed. Be prepared for the conflicts of biological and step feelings in you if there is more than one set of children in a household.
 
Step 7 —
  Holidays, traditions and rituals:
 
Maintain family rituals in your home as you wish them to remain. Adapt to new traditions in the stepfamily as they develop.
 
Step 8 —
  Wills, family heirlooms:
 
Money generally follows biological family. Don't be hasty to reassign family heirlooms or assets. Consult your attorney for legal matters.
 
Step 9 —
  Listen: Be an impartial sounding board to your grandchildren or step grandchildren.
 
At times they might need someone just to listen.
 
Step 10 —
  Guard your sense of humor and use it:
 
The step situation is filled with the unexpected. Sometimes we don't know whether to laugh or cry. Try humor....
 

► List of all Divorce Peers resources: Step Families

"No" (How to Say It)
Care taking and rescuers
Divorce Court - Analysis of "Best Interests of the Minor Child," factor (D)
Divorce Court - Analysis of "Best Interests of the Minor Child," factor (E)
Divorce Court - Analysis of "Best Interests of the Minor Child," factor (J)
Divorce Statistics - "Connected" to Your Former Spouse?
Divorce Statistics - Arguments
Divorce Statistics - Caring, Concern, Compassion in Relationships
Divorce Statistics - Children and Divorce, Effects of Divorce on Child
Divorce Statistics - Equity in Marital Chores
Divorce Statistics - How Do Child Custody Placements End Up?
Divorce Statistics - How Is Child Custody Decided?
Divorce Statistics - Net Worths, after Divorce
Divorce Statistics - Religion and Divorce
Parenting Classes
Parenting Time Coordination via Internet-Based Scheduler
Photo Albums On-Line
Step Couples - 10 Steps for Success in Remarriage after Divorce
Step families - 10 Steps for Successful Step-Grandparenting
Step families - 10 Steps for Successful Stepfamilies, Stepchild Parenting
Stepparents - So You Want to be a Stepmother?

 

► List of all Divorce Peers citations to Stepfamily Foundation

Step Couples - 10 Steps for Success in Remarriage after Divorce
Step families - 10 Steps for Successful Step-Grandparenting

 

► List of all Post-Divorce Relationships resources

Active Listening -- Tips
Adultery
Agreements
Apologize and make amends
Asking Questions
Camps for Kids
Care taking and rescuers
Child Health
Children and "Friendly Divorce"
Daters' Bill of Rights - Boundaries after Divorce
Divorce Risks: Children
Evaluating Child Care
Explaining Your Divorce to Your Children
Forgiveness
Four Basic Elements of Successful After-Divorce Relationships
Friendship
Listening Habits
Listening Problems
Marital Attachment - "Unhooking" after Divorce
Not Divorcing - for the Sake of the Children
Parenting Classes
Parenting Time Coordination via Internet-Based Scheduler
Personality tests: Jung-Myers-Briggs
Photo Albums On-Line
Reasons to Listen Better
Relationship tests
Step Couples - 10 Steps for Success in Remarriage after Divorce
Step families - 10 Steps for Successful Step-Grandparenting
Step families - 10 Steps for Successful Stepfamilies, Stepchild Parenting
Stepparents - So You Want to be a Stepmother?
The Waitress Test
Why Not Date During Divorce?
Why Wait to Date after divorce?

 


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