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"In other words, as long as there is five times as much positive feeling and interaction between husband and wife as there is negative, we found the marriage likely to be stable...."

Negativity "...is necessary ... for a marriage to survive. Why don't stable marriages have a positive-to-negative ratio that is more like 100 to 1? Wouldn't marriages work best if there were no disagreements? ...in the short run this may be true.

"But for a marriage to have real staying power, couples need to air their differences, where they resolve them in a volatile, validating, or minimizing style.

"...what may lead to temporary misery in a marriage — disagreement and anger — may be healthy for it in the long run."

"Learning to Calm Down ...

... helps prevent unproductive fighting or running away from discussions you need to have.

"...it's virtually impossible to think straight when your blood is pumping furiously and your heart is racing.

"...most people think believe they have calmed down completely when their pulse rate is still a good 10 percent above their normal, resting pulse. It is easy to think you've settled down when you're still riled up."