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"It is not your job to remind others of their wrongs ...

...  so that they can ask you to forgive them."

— Jim Smoke
Growing Through Divorce


> Forgiveness from God

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives."

— John, the Apostle and one of Christ's twelve disciples

1 John 1:9-10, The Holy Bible (New International Version)


> Forgive as you, yourself, have been forgiven

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

— Matthew, a tax collector who became one of Christ's twelve disciples

Matthew 6:14-15, The Holy Bible (New International Version)


> The "Do you forgive me?" question

" don't ask for forgiveness.

"Because that puts pressure. Suppose I did something to you and I apologize and I said, 'Do you forgive me?' You're on the spot right now because you might still have some feelings about that.

"You appreciate my apology, but now I'm putting the pressure on you. Are you a good guy or not? Are you going to forgive me or not? And I don't want to put pressure on you...."

— Ken Blanchard, author of The One-Minute Apology

"The Power of an Apology," Something You Should Know, February 6, 2003



"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."

— Paul, the Apostle

Romans 12:19, The Holy Bible (New International Version)


The game of "Monster Building"

"Monster Building is a common game initiated during the separation — often continuing to the grave. Its frequency, intensity and duration depend on whether or not the grieving party has unhooked and given up his or her emotional attachment to the ex-spouse.

"When feelings of attachment and the separation distress have been resolved, each can look at each other realistically (in the now) without contaminating present perceptions with past hurts.

"Monster Building is the practice of making a monster out of the ex in order to justify mad, bad and sad feelings. It is much like erecting a straw man upon which you can beat. Monster building also offers an opportunity to blame, and in the process absolve oneself from responsibility or guilt for the divorce."

— Dr. Melvyn A. Berke and Joanne B. Grant
Games Divorced People Play


► List of all Divorce Peers resources: Issues

Apologize and make amends
Care taking and rescuers
Divorce Statistics - Infidelity, Adultery, Cheating, Affairs, ...
Divorce Statistics - Sexually Transmitted Disease (STDs, AIDS)
Divorce Statistics - Why Did You Get Divorced?
The Waitress Test


► List of all Post-Divorce Relationships resources

Active Listening -- Tips
Apologize and make amends
Asking Questions
Camps for Kids
Care taking and rescuers
Child Health
Children and "Friendly Divorce"
Daters' Bill of Rights - Boundaries after Divorce
Divorce Risks: Children
Evaluating Child Care
Explaining Your Divorce to Your Children
Four Basic Elements of Successful After-Divorce Relationships
Listening Habits
Listening Problems
Marital Attachment - "Unhooking" after Divorce
Not Divorcing - for the Sake of the Children
Parenting Classes
Parenting Time Coordination via Internet-Based Scheduler
Personality tests: Jung-Myers-Briggs
Photo Albums On-Line
Reasons to Listen Better
Relationship tests
Step Couples - 10 Steps for Success in Remarriage after Divorce
Step families - 10 Steps for Successful Step-Grandparenting
Step families - 10 Steps for Successful Stepfamilies, Stepchild Parenting
Stepparents - So You Want to be a Stepmother?
The Waitress Test
Why Not Date During Divorce?
Why Wait to Date after divorce?


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since 1983

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