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Amateur Counseling: Caution! |
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Divorce can often be both a trigger and a manifestation of very serious emotional problems. This isn't amateur hour for playing "counselor" (your own heart will tell you if you are engaged in this sort of effort because you are truly in a position to help — or if it the motivation is more to build yourself up before others). Self-help guidance no substitute for professional services. In more difficult situations these approaches can make things worse; so can inattention, under the misguided notion that you can simply wait it out. If you have any indication this may need professional assistance, don't waste time: Get for professional help now. |
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The value of ego-defense mechanisms "In all ... ego-defense mechanisms, please notice that there is something that people who operate the mechanism have felt the necessity of repressing. They cannot live with some realization. In one way or another, they keep their psychological pieces intact by some form of self-deception. They just couldn't live comfortably with the truth, so they repressed it. "Therefore, and this is extremely important, the vocation of putting people straight, of tearing off their masks, of forcing them to face the repressed truth, is a highly dangerous and destructive calling. Eric Berne warns against disillusioning people about their 'games.' It may be that they just can't take it. They sought out some role, began playing some game, took to wearing some mask, precisely because this would make life livable and tolerable. "So we must be very careful, extremely careful in fact, that we do no assume the vocation of acquainting others with their delusions. We are all tempted to unmask others, to smash their defenses, to leave them naked and blinking in the light of the illumination provided by our exposé. It could be tragic in results. If the psychological pieces become unglued, who will pick them up and put poor Humpty Dumpty Human Being together again? Will you? Can you?"
— John Powell, S.J. |
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Amateur Counseling in Divorce: Cautions |
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"Keeping Control During Divorce" |
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"Keeping Control During Divorce" |
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